Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
