We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she pinky promised me she was 18
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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