I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
