i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
