Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
