KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
