Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
