We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
