I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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