Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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