Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
