I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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