U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
