She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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