I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
