No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
