his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
