i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
