i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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