Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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