I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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