You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
