you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
