I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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