You're my little dorito
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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