My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
