even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All the doctor said was why
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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