Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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