God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
