omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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