I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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