sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
