i just had sex bonerless
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
