I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
