I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
