Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
