Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Its about making memories worth repressing
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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