something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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