im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
