your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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