just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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