remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
