im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
