dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
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Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
