He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
