arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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