Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
