I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
