ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
