Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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