I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
