none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
