My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
